Finding Caregiver Compassion

Have you ever visited a nursing home during mealtime? You’ll notice many of the people there depend on their caregivers’ compassion because they have dementia and can no longer feed themselves. The level of help varies—a gentle reminder to take a bite is all some need, while others require every bite and sip to be fed to them.

Feeding someone with dementia can take a long time, sometimes an hour or more. But what happens when the person helping them doesn’t have much patience or compassion? Instead of taking the time, they rush, and that can cause all kinds of problems. The person with dementia might get upset and refuse to eat, or the caregiver could become frustrated and quit trying.

Both outcomes are harmful to the person with dementia, but compassion and patience can change the entire situation.

What Is Caregiver Compassion?

Compassion is all about recognizing the suffering of others and taking action to help. As a nurse, compassion is second nature for me—it’s at the core of who I am. Unfortunately, not everyone is naturally compassionate.

In caregiving, compassion is what separates someone who’s simply “doing a job” from someone who is truly making a difference. When caring for someone with dementia, compassion looks different than caring for someone with a physical illness. Dementia isn’t just about memory loss—it causes mental pain and confusion that’s often invisible.

For someone with dementia, compassion means remembering who they were before the disease took hold, and then thinking, “How can I make today better for them? What can I do to bring a little joy or comfort into their world?” Sometimes that means brushing their hair or putting on makeup if they always liked to look nice. Other times it’s as simple as sitting with them and holding their hand.

Compassion Leads to Patience

When you put yourself in their shoes, you naturally begin to feel more compassionate, and that compassion helps build patience. It’s important to recognize that the problems your loved one is facing are real and completely out of their control. They aren’t trying to upset you or make things difficult.

Ask yourself:

• How would I want to be treated if I were in their situation?
• Will my response make things better or worse for them?
• How can I adapt to their needs rather than expect them to adapt to mine?

Developing Empathy and Compassion

Empathy is when you feel someone else’s pain, and compassion is when you act on it. Imagine what it would be like to have dementia. What if you kept forgetting everything, repeating yourself, or couldn’t control your body? How would you want people to respond to you? Are you responding to your loved one the way you would want someone to treat you?

Caregiver Patience: What Does It Look Like?

Patience is about staying calm and not getting upset, even when things are challenging or take longer than expected. This is especially important in dementia care, where things often slow down.

Take getting dressed, for example. Maybe it used to take two minutes for your loved one to get ready, but now it takes 30. It’s natural to want to hurry things up, but for someone with dementia, rushing only creates stress. Instead, we need to slow down and work with their rhythm.

Repeating questions is another common challenge. Someone with dementia might ask the same thing over and over because they genuinely don’t remember. Here’s how you can handle it:

• Stay calm and smile.
• Answer the question completely, the first time.
• Reassure them with a gentle touch and comforting words.
• Distract them with something they enjoy.
• Try using a whiteboard with their schedule in plain view.

And here’s a tip—avoid telling them about events too far in advance. It’s likely to create unnecessary anxiety.

Benefits of Developing Patience

When you practice patience, everyone benefits. Your loved one feels safer and more at ease. You make better decisions. Plus, it helps your own well-being—mentally and physically.

In today’s society, we all are in a hurry, but it helps to remember someone with Dementia dances to the beat of a different drum. Unfortunately, you can’t change the beat of their drum. Trying to speed them up only leads to anxiety for them and frustration for you. But the good news is that you can change your drum’s beat!

How To Develop Patience and Compassion

One simple but powerful technique is breathing. When you start feeling frustrated, pause, and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in slowly for five seconds, like you’re smelling flowers, then exhale slowly as if you’re blowing out candles. Do this a few times, and you’ll feel calmer and more in control.

Humor also helps shift the mood. Laugh together, reminisce about funny memories, or just smile—it can lighten even the toughest moments.

Another key is mindfulness—which is all about living in the moment. When caring for someone with dementia, you’ll quickly realize you can’t control the disease, but you can control how you respond to it. Slow down, focus on the present, and be fully engaged in what you’re doing.