If you’ve ever found yourself in a frustrating back-and-forth with a loved one who has dementia, you’re not alone. It’s natural to want to correct misinformation, set the record straight, or get them to see things the way they used to. But here’s the truth—arguing with someone with dementia is a losing battle.
Dementia changes the way a person thinks, remembers, and processes information. What may seem like a simple disagreement to you can quickly turn into a stressful and upsetting situation for both of you. Instead of trying to win an argument, caregivers must learn new ways to communicate with patience, understanding, and compassion.

If you’re struggling to navigate the different stages of dementia, check out my guide on How to Navigate the Different Stages of Dementia to better understand what changes to expect.

Memory Loss Means They May Not Remember the Facts

Imagine being told that something you strongly believe is false. That’s what it feels like for a person with dementia when someone tells them, “That never happened” or “You’re wrong.” Their memory may have rewritten events, or they may not recall them at all. Arguing won’t make them remember—it will only make them feel confused or defensive.

Cognitive Decline Affects Logical Thinking

Dementia damages the parts of the brain responsible for reasoning and judgment. Even if you present a logical explanation, they may not be able to process it. It’s not that they’re being stubborn—they simply cannot connect the dots the way they once could.

Arguing Causes Emotional Distress

When a person with dementia feels attacked, belittled, or pressured, their brain reacts with fear, frustration, or even anger. This can lead to emotional outbursts, increased agitation, or withdrawal. The goal isn’t to prove them wrong—it’s to keep the peace.

They Need to Feel Heard, Not Corrected

No one likes to feel ignored or dismissed. People with dementia often hold onto their version of reality because it feels safe. When we argue, they may feel unheard or invalidated, which can make them more anxious or resistant.

Patience is key in these situations. If you’re finding it hard to stay calm and composed, you may benefit from my article on Alzheimer’s Caregiver Patience: How to Develop More for helpful tips to manage your emotions and responses.

Caregivers often don’t realize they’re stepping into an argument until it’s too late. Here are some common situations that can spark conflict:

• Correcting their version of reality (e.g., “No, your mother isn’t alive anymore.”)
• Insisting they remember something they’ve forgotten
• Disputing time, place, or identity confusion (e.g., “You don’t live in your childhood home.”)
• Forcing them to do something they’re resisting (e.g., “You have to take a shower now.”)
• Reacting emotionally when they say something that doesn’t make sense

If you recognize these patterns, don’t worry—you’re not alone. The key is to shift your approach.

If you struggle with getting your loved one to cooperate, my blog How to Get Someone With Dementia to Cooperate can provide effective strategies to make daily tasks easier.

Validate Their Feelings

Instead of arguing, acknowledge what they feel. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their version of reality—it just means you’re recognizing their emotions.

Instead of this:

🗙 “That’s not true, Dad. You never worked for the FBI.”

Try this:

✔️ “That sounds like an exciting job! What did you enjoy most about it?”

Validating helps them feel heard and reduces stress.

Join Their Reality

Trying to bring them back to “the real world” can cause frustration. Instead, meet them where they are.

Instead of this:

🗙 “Mom, it’s not 1955. You don’t have to get ready for school.”

Try this:

✔️ “Oh, school sounds fun! What was your favorite subject?”

This redirection helps them stay calm and feel secure.

Use Distraction and Redirection

When they get fixated on something incorrect or distressing, gently shift the focus.

Example:

If they insist they need to go home (when they’re already home), say, “Let’s have some tea first, and then we’ll see about that.” Often, they’ll forget about the original concern.

Keep Communication Simple and Calm

Use short, clear sentences. Avoid overwhelming them with too many details.

Instead of this:

🗙 “You need to take your medicine now because it’s for your blood pressure, and the doctor said it’s important, or else you’ll get sick.”

Try this:

✔️ “Here’s your pill. It will help you feel better.”

The simpler, the better.

Know When to Walk Away

If the conversation is getting heated, it’s okay to take a break. Step away and return with a calm approach. Sometimes, a change in scenery or a deep breath can make all the difference.

If you find yourself constantly caught up in unnecessary battles, it may be time to How to Choose Your Battles and Create Peace in Dementia Care to make caregiving more manageable.

Mary, a dementia caregiver for her husband, used to argue with him daily. He kept insisting that he needed to drive to work, even though he had retired years ago.
At first, Mary tried reasoning with him: “You retired 10 years ago! You don’t need to go to work!” This always led to frustration and anger.
Then, Mary changed her approach. Instead of arguing, she started saying, “Your boss called—he said you have the day off! Let’s celebrate with some coffee.” Her husband accepted this explanation without a fight, and their mornings became much more peaceful.
This small change turned their daily battle into a moment of connection.

Conclusion: The Power of Letting Go

Arguing with someone with dementia isn’t just exhausting—it’s unnecessary. When caregivers learn to step into their loved one’s reality, validate their emotions, and focus on peace instead of proving a point, life becomes easier for everyone.
Instead of asking, “How do I make them understand?” ask, “How can I help them feel safe and loved?”
Dementia changes a lot of things, but love, patience, and understanding will always be the most powerful tools in caregiving.

If you want to deepen your understanding of dementia and improve your caregiving skills, consider taking my Understanding Dementia Course for practical insights and strategies.