If you ask an Alzheimer’s caregiver what the most crucial piece of information you would share with a new caregiver is, their answer is most often patience. The Alzheimer’s caregiver road is long and bumpy, with many twists and turns. Learning how to be patient will help smooth out the ride.
If you are an Alzheimer’s caregiver, know there will be phases you will go through that will make you want to pull your hair out, but patience can help you survive these trials.
What is patience?
There are several different versions of patience in the dictionaries. The one I like the best is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” I feel this one best suits dementia life.
Delays will become a regular part of your day, and as the disease progresses, they continue to slow down. As a result, their daily activities, such as eating, bathing, and getting dressed, take longer.
Troubles will appear as the challenging behaviors begin to show up. There are many different behaviors. Some people only develop one or two behaviors, and others may have all of them. It is rare for someone not to have any of these challenging behaviors.
Suffering develops as the changes in their character appear. Often this includes arguing, aggressiveness, paranoia, accusations, and eventually failure to recognize their loved ones.
When do you most need Alzheimer’s Caregiver patience?
One of the most annoying behaviors you will run into is repeating. They will ask the same question repeatedly, not remembering they just asked you. Some people will repeat the same word or phrase over and over. Repeating is very frustrating for caregivers.
Shadowing is another behavior which will try your patience. Shadowing is when a person with Dementia imitates and follows the caregiver or constantly talks, asks questions, and interrupts. Their confusion is worsening, and they are struggling to figure out what they should be doing. As a result, they only feel safe when they are next to their caregiver and often will not let them out of their site, even following them into the toilet.
Other troubling behaviors are restlessness, fidgeting, and pacing. They often have excess energy they don’t know what to do with, so they become restless and antsy. These behaviors aren’t usually harmful but can annoy the caregivers.
How to develop your Alzheimer’s Caregiver patience?
- First, understand it is the disease making the changes in your loved one, and they have no control over it. This understanding is hard for many caregivers, especially in the middle stage. They often feel their loved one is manipulating or playing games with them, but that is not the case.
- Second, recognize this phase will pass. It may take a while, but it will pass. Eventually, they will move into the next stage of the disease.
- Third, choose not to live in ignorance. Learn about the disease and know what to expect. Understanding the behaviors accompanying this disease will make it much easier to tell yourself, “it’s not him; it’s the disease.”
They may not have any control over their behaviors, but you do have control over how you react. Self-control is how you increase your patience level. Recapturing your sense of patience begins with self-awareness.
When faced with a situation or behavior that is frustrating to you follow these tips.
- Stop and take a minute for yourself.
- Taking control of your breathing is one way to relax your body and stop physiological changes from happening.
- Breathe deeply; it will help slow your heart rate and calm your body.
- Tell your mind to let the issue go (I sing the verse “let it go” from the song in the Frozen cartoon a couple of times, and it works for me)
- Instead of focusing on the frustration, focus on something you are grateful for and ask yourself “is there a solution to what is triggering the frustration?”
- Walk away and give your mind a break.
- Do something distracting, such as calling a friend, listening to music, or watching TV.
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Develop compassion and empathy for your loved one.
Compassion involves feeling another person’s pain and wanting to take steps to help relieve their suffering.
Empathy is the ability to understand things from another person’s perspective. Place yourself in their shoes.
What are the benefits of increasing Alzheimer’s Caregivers’ patience?
One of the most significant benefits of patience is improved mental health. Developing patience also helps better coping with stress. In addition, you will become a better caregiver and friend.
Studies show impatient people have more health problems than patient people, including ulcers, headaches, and sleep issues.
Patient people have less stress, better choices, and peace of mind.
In conclusion, developing a strong sense of patience will help you have a calmer, happier home. Your loved one reacts to your emotions. If you stay calm, they will feel less anxious and have fewer behaviors.
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Hi, I’m Larea, a Certified Dementia Specialist and Registered Nurse with 30 years of hands-on experience helping dementia patients in various settings, from hospitals to nursing homes and hospice. Drawing on personal experiences with my family members and patients over the years, I’m here to help guide you on your caregiving journey.
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