Alzheimer’s Caregiver Patience: How To Develop More

Written by Larea Mcqueen

Hi, I'm Larea, I am a Registered Nurse specializing in Dementia Care, with 30 years of experience supporting dementia patients and their families. Over the years, I have provided care in diverse settings, including homes, hospitals, nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and hospice. My passion is guiding caregivers, sharing my knowledge and experience to help them navigate the challenges of dementia care with confidence and compassion.

How to Develop More Patience as a Dementia Caregiver

If you ask an Alzheimer’s caregiver what the most crucial piece of advice they would share with a new caregiver, the answer is often patience. Being a caregiver on this journey is like navigating a long and winding road full of unexpected turns and bumps. Patience won’t remove the obstacles, but it will help smooth out the ride.

Why Is Patience So Important?
Dementia caregiving is emotionally, mentally, and even physically challenging. There will be days when everything seems manageable and days when you feel like pulling your hair out. Patience is not just a virtue but a survival tool that can help you get through the tough times.

What Is Patience?
The definition of patience that best suits dementia caregivers is, “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” This is especially true when caring for a loved one with dementia. As the disease progresses, delays, troubles, and suffering will inevitably become a regular part of your daily life.

Delays become part of every activity, whether it’s getting dressed, eating meals, or taking a bath. These simple tasks take much longer than they used to, which can feel frustrating, especially when you’re on a schedule or have other responsibilities.
Troubles arise in the form of challenging behaviors like confusion, wandering, paranoia, or even agitation. The unpredictable nature of these behaviors often throws off your plans or makes daily tasks more difficult.
Suffering occurs as your loved one’s personality begins to change. You may find them becoming argumentative, aggressive, or even accusatory. As the disease advances, they may eventually no longer recognize you, which is often one of the most painful aspects of caregiving.

When Do You Most Need Alzheimer’s Caregiver Patience?

Common Scenarios That Test Your Patience
Let’s look at some common behaviors caregivers face and why patience is vital during these times:

Repetition: One of the most frustrating behaviors is repetition. Your loved one may ask the same question over and over again or repeat the same phrase or word. They’re not doing it on purpose; they truly can’t remember that they just asked. Answering the same question 20 times in 30 minutes requires a deep well of patience.
Shadowing: Shadowing is when a person with dementia follows their caregiver everywhere, often speaking or asking questions non-stop. They may even follow you into the bathroom. This can make you feel like you have no personal space or time to yourself, which can be exhausting. Learn more about shadowing HERE.
Restlessness, Fidgeting, and Pacing: Many people with dementia have excess energy, which shows up as pacing, fidgeting, or other repetitive movements. While these behaviors aren’t harmful, they can make it difficult to have a peaceful environment and can wear down your nerves.

Alzheimer's caregiver patience shadowing small

How to Develop Your Alzheimer’s Caregiver Patience?

Patience doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and that’s okay. It’s a skill that can be developed with time, effort, and self-compassion. Here are a few ways to strengthen your patience as a caregiver:

Understand the Disease: This is the foundation of patience. Dementia causes brain changes that lead to these challenging behaviors. Your loved one isn’t trying to upset or frustrate you. Reminding yourself that it’s the disease, not them, can help you stay calm in difficult moments. My Understanding Dementia course can be a great tool to help you dive deeper into the nuances of the disease, offering practical insights and knowledge to build your patience over time.

2. Stay Educated: Learn about the disease’s stages and what to expect in terms of behavior. Knowledge is power. When you understand that certain behaviors are normal in the disease progression, it helps you respond more calmly. You can tell yourself, “This is expected. It’s not personal.”

3. Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Patience starts with being aware of your own emotions. Notice when you feel yourself getting frustrated or overwhelmed. That’s the moment to pause, take a deep breath, and bring your emotions back under control.

4. Develop Coping Mechanisms: Having specific strategies in place can help you when your patience is running thin:

1. - Take a Break: Step out of the room if you need to. Even a minute of deep breathing or just stretching can reset your emotions.
  - Use Humor: Sometimes, the situation is so overwhelming that you just need to laugh. Laughing can instantly relieve tension and help you regain your patience.
  - Focus on Gratitude: When frustration arises, think of one thing you’re grateful for, no matter how small. This shift in perspective can help calm your mind.
  - Distraction: Turn on some calming music, step outside for fresh air, or call a friend to chat. Sometimes, shifting your focus away from the frustration is all you need.

5. Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable: It’s easy to forget your own needs when caring for someone else, but burnout will quickly erode your patience. Make sure to take time for yourself regularly, whether it’s a walk, a nap, reading, or whatever helps you recharge.

6. Build a Support Network: Don’t do this alone. Whether it’s friends, family, or a caregiver support group, talking to others who understand what you’re going through can offer relief. Sharing your struggles with others helps reduce feelings of isolation and recharges your emotional reserves.

7. Compassion and Empathy: Try to place yourself in your loved one’s shoes. Imagine how scary or confusing it must be to forget things, lose your sense of independence, or not recognize the people you love. Cultivating compassion for your loved one can make their behaviors feel less like a personal attack and more like a symptom of their suffering.

The Benefits of Developing Patience

Increasing your patience will not only help you become a better caregiver, but it will also have a positive impact on your own health and well-being.

Improved Mental Health: Patience leads to less stress and frustration, which contributes to better mental health.
Better Physical Health: Studies show that patient people tend to have fewer stress-related health issues, such as headaches, ulcers, and insomnia.
A Calmer, Happier Home: People with dementia often pick up on their caregivers’ emotional states. If you remain calm, they are more likely to feel at ease, reducing the frequency and intensity of troubling behaviors.

In Conclusion

Caregiving is one of the most demanding roles you can take on, but developing patience can transform your experience. While the road of an Alzheimer’s caregiver may be long and full of challenges, patience can help you navigate the journey with more grace and resilience. Remember, you are human, and it’s okay to have moments of frustration. The key is learning how to bounce back and approach each day with renewed patience and understanding.

If you’re looking for additional support, consider taking my Understanding Dementia course. It’s designed to give you the tools and information you need to manage the complexities of caregiving while maintaining your emotional well-being. Knowledge and understanding are key ingredients in developing the patience you need for this journey.